Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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