why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
