Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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