On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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