god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
