Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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