I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Randomize