you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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