Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
