the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
