Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
