Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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