Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
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