and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
