I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
