Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
i would one night stand the shit outta him
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
my liver is dry heaving
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
