we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
