My first STD was from a foam party
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
