Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
