From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize