Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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