I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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