im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
