Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize