I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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