Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
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