Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
