I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
