Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
