just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
