i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Randomize
