If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Randomize
