I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
