I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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