I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
