i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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