May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
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