i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
