i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize
