after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
