He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
