I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
