I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Randomize
