Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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