So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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