the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
