Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
