I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
