they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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