but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
a search helicopter?!
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
COCAINE IS GR8
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