I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
