She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
