Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
