Swine flu. Run for my life!
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
