just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize