ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
