So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize