then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
