very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
