You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
