I think scott just propositioned me for sex
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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