It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
