This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
