i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I enjoy the company of your penis
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