her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
