..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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